Opening Up

Having a mental illness is an uncomfortable thing to handle as far as what you go through – when both before and after being diagnosed, initially, and the living with it afterwards.

You’re expected when going through the process – of being “in treatment” – to not only suddenly be forthcoming with your issues but openly and honestly, to complete strangers, – doctors, psychiatrists, therapists, sometimes case managers, etc. You might be put on new medications or have to go to group sessions. You suddenly have to make privacy decisions – do you allow others to know of it, or do you keep it to yourself? Do you allow loved ones to know or do you go in alone to sessions?

People who are in it and have been in it for years, don’t talk about this enough to those who are outside of the system. Yes, it’s great to be supportive of each other and I love our community for that. But if we don’t open up and share, if we are able, how do those entering our community, how else are they going to find out accurately what the experiences can be like?

For those of you who don’t understand or are outside of the mental health community. – it can feel very invasive. the process is, in a sense, like removing our privacy, our safety net. People don’t share or don’t want to share, how terrifyingly helpless you can feel when entering it or having decisions made both for you and on your behalf.

More then that, even if you mean well, you, as an advocate who isn’t going through the process yourself – can sometimes make us angry, when you take away our choice to let others know if we have the mental illness or not. we’re not always comfortable, being introduced as your son or daughter who has this illness. and please excuse our behaviors because we have this. we’re not looking to be understood, not always, just ….we’re people first. introduce us as a person, not as what we’re diagnosed with. Yeah, we put up with it, but it’s not always needed to excuse things.

with mental illness, it’s part of how we are, not who we are.

You’ll forget that sometimes. But try not to.

Sometimes…

Having depression and anxiety is living with your desire to cry, without too much provocation over the little things, for longer then you feel you should be, but also as needed, and then stressing over the fact you cried at all, and apologizing for how you appeared, without even realizing you never told them why you were crying in the first all, – all while going through cycles of emotions – faster then you can handle, at times. And then being fine afterwards, and this was all in your head, so not only did you stress yourself out and process it, but the other person doesn’t even have time to react. It’s exhausting. And that’s without even trying to express what just happened. and why and such.

Sweet Love

CHORUS:

  • Sweet Love
  • There’s something I just cannot place,
  • about the way you draw me closer,
  • It’s the way you hold my hand so tight,
  • in the way that makes every moment light.

VERSE 1

  • Scent like a candy cane, mint in my mouth as I giggle away,
  • Twisting my hand, to pull me closer, as our bodies sway,
  • That gentle dance, as we sing along to the sound of our hearts.
  • moving along

CHORUS:

  • Sweet Love
  • There’s something I just cannot place,
  • about the way you draw me closer,
  • It’s the way you hold my hand so tight,
  • in the way that makes every moment light.

Verse 2

  • You draw me in, then you let me go,
  • something missing but still I feel that glow.
  • There’s a bond we share, that you know is there.

CHORUS:

  • Sweet Love
  • There’s something I just cannot place,
  • about the way you draw me closer,
  • It’s the way you hold my hand so much tighter,
  • in the way that makes every moment lighter.

Verse 3

  • Oh so lovely, is this maze we made, even as we carry on the days,
  • There’s something sweet yet soft about our joy,
  • being in love with this boy

I both sang and wrote the lyrics of this song. This is the raw / rough draft, and my first attempt at figuring out it’s tune while singing it for the first time. Bear with me as I work on it more. Lyrics are above. 

The song is called. “Sweet Love”.
it is for my other half, Alden.

Tips for Those in Secret

Tips for those who need to be a bit more secretive about their witchcraft practice, or those who have to hide it.

  • Don’t be afraid to use regular notebooks and/or for your journals, book of shadows, grimoires, etc. Not only are they less suspicious, especially if you’re prone to writing or in school, they are less likely to draw attention if you keep them simple on the outside, or don’t label them as such. I used to fill in the first few pages with decoy notes, such as notes on math or other such things. Then fill in the rest as a grimoire or with other notes.
  • Want to have books of witchcraft but aren’t sure how to go about hiding them?  Having a small tote that isn’t see through helps or mix them in under regular books. Smaller totes can be stored under the bed or other places to keep them, until it’s safe to get them out.
  • Interested in Crystals? – You can somewhat avert attention to yourself, by either learning to make pendants or bracelets with the crystals incorporated into them (also a nice art craft as well) – or, if you’re into studying and science, try getting a crystal geology kit. Can be a nice way to learn about them, and still, avert attention. They’ll just think you’re into shiny things. Also, if you’re a bit of a green thumb, crystals can be worked into your garden. 
  • If you take the time to learn to sew, it’s possible to learn to sew hidden sigils into your clothes, or other items. This includes clothing, blankets, etc. 
  • If you want to burn candles but can’t, for any reason,there’s two options I’ve used. You can use either a nightlight or an electric candle, which can be turned off as needed. (You can use colored tapes, or paint, to decorate the holder of the bulb). – I personally would substitute popsicles or ice cubes for candles. Popsicles, along with the colors, also can have flavor correspondences. Ice cubes were used in place of for plain white candles. Since both can ‘melt’ , you can use them as an effective substitute. 

Tips for Making a Grimoire:

Just get started. No, seriously. There’s no time like the present and the more you put it off, the harder it will be to get motivated. Include History: the history of you, your coven (if you’re in one), how you got into your current path, etc. When something works, document it. – Include the intention of the spell, materials needed/used, instructions/words used with the spell, and the results. Also document when something DOESN’T work – it can be important to figure out where you went wrong. Start writing down the purpose of your spells. Make detailed notes on what you use. including substituted materials, if any, and why. Besides words or spoken things, note any gestures or movements as well. Also include the phase of the moon, if you’d like, or sun, time of day, and any spirits or deities present.

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